Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
just walked into the room and her sister said loudly, "do him, or I will."
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
used foursquare to find where i am. please come get me. this is the scariest bedroom ever.
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Just pull your dick out and wink at her, its a game changing play
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
She's drunk as hell locked up I. The bathroom with my shoes where do I go from here
So to recap Superbowl Sunday - I won $100, bumped into the anti-christ and his cult, met a guy in a kilt and a wican, then got invited to a gayguy afterhours party.
Gonna be tough to beat that next year!
There is a man playing a trumpet at this brunch and I hate life. Too hungover for this. Send help ASAP.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
Randomize
