for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
I was seriously concerned she had died since she wasn't moving at all, but then I asked here where she was last night and her response was to hip thrust the air.
You chugged 6 beers in a row and then outed your boss at a party last night.
Yeah to go race car driving with a 54 yr old gastroenterologist. I really wish you'd come to have that drink with me Wednesday
Multi-day drunkenness is to binge drinking as black diamonds are to skiing. They're tough and confusing and you hurt afterwards, but you did it and you probably got an alright story along the way.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
