I have the worst farts today, I'm walking by the cubicles of people I don't like and leaving them surprises. Brb.
i am pregamming alone in my car. scale of 1-10 how alcoholic is that
im pretty sure thats an 11
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
I walked in on you eating olive oil off of a plate. you gave me this look and I just started crying. we were that drunk.
It's just like riding a bike. Only it's a dude's face.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
There are so many things that would come back to haunt me if I ran for President someday.
like that video of you mad stoned vomiting in the bdubs parking lot after going to a pizza buffet screaming how you needed to make room for froyo
Wat
did the fire alarm go off at the party last night I kind of remember a fire alarm noise
omg omg i ripped it out of the ceiling omg
Jäger goes great with personal crises and receding morals...
You'll be like the drunk Paul Bunyan someday with a giant grey cat
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
Hes back in his dorm room dancing naked with 3D glasses on.
and he said that acid doesnt really do anything to him...
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
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