Different chick, same blowjob, same parking lot.
i googled "where to have sex in disneyland." i found nothing.
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
Hey. Whatever time u wake up let me know Ur alive. I need my vegas partner... I don't think they let u take corpses on a plane.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
Just walked into McDonald's and a bunch of fat girls gave me a look like I just entered their territory.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
I just realized the only way to play Edward forty-hands is commando in a skirt. This intelligence kick is really doing me justice.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Last night I watered my lawn and smoked a joint then cooked a steak. I'm really killing this adulthood thing.
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I yelled at your uterus for you.
Randomize
