Ambien. No doubt about it.
U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
Just TALKING to him is better than banging my bf, imagine what actual banging will be like.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
Bathtub guy came to. He helped me roll the fat chick away from the fridge. Shower and breakfast are on. You're plan failed!
Saturday evening, however, will be my vodka and bubble wrap extravaganza.
The rest of the concert I just stared at the lights and didn't really listen to the music cuz I was trying to make sure my brain still worked cuz my face was numb and I couldn't move... Yeah I'm not a weed brownie person
I just used a VHS tape as a plate for sanwich
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
My brother just text me asking if I was ready for the blowjob of my life.
I think I'm dead. Also I think I stole $20 from a stripper.
You did. Then gave it to me.
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