does he have a tent? the camping kind not the boner kind.
even in the morning, she still thinks my british accent is real.
I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
and she was grinding on the wall, purring at guys she liked at the pregame...
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
Right... Let's keep my vodka tinged mind focused on simple words
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
God fucking bless the man who invented the vibrator. Bless him and all his descendants. I think I saw the face of God tonight
Hey, I'm probably about to be arrested but I didn't want to wake you. But it would be cool of you to get the $500.00 I have in the box I keep my "medicine" in and come bail me out. Also I figured you would be amused at the thought of me fending off brutal prison rape tonight.
So my POF profile is full of Archer references. Only guys who get them will be getting any response to their messages.
Please don't finger me like a jackhammer. I'm a woman not a construction site.
If I could eat my chicken parm naked, it would be the closest I could ever be to God.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
IT'S PERFEFT
... what?
HIS DICK. IT'S PERFECT. BYE.
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