How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
Must be January. Theres a fat chick on an elliptical wearing khaki capris. Someone doesnt own any workout clothes
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
Shark Week. Kick off begins Sunday. The drinking game has been upgraded to include jumping/breaching sharks and Jake's not allowed to bring the harpoon. Period.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
We've done the math and the dogs tails are wagging at a rate of 3000 wags per hour. Stoned.
He got drunk and insisted on licking my eyeball and called it a test of my trust in him.
Found my phone laying in a snow angel outside my apt this morning.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
We walking to the game and some random guy came up to to me and yelled "hey you're the whiskey guy!" And then high fived me then walked away
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
