Is there some kind of disinfectant spray people use? Why would anyone want to eat ass??
Minivans at bars can only lead to bad things.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
We just found a handle of vodka in our fridge and no one knows how it got there. God I love spring break.
He just asked if I would make his black snake moan. Dating basketball players is not worth the glory
I'm not sure how appropriate a drug deal is while at a wake.
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
Drunkness level: fluent in olde norse
I'm sort of afraid for my life tho. If the 4th of July can be the way it was a DMX show is capable of anything
Fucked him in his sketchy van in the Applebee's parking lot. In other news, my dry spell is over.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
Randomize
