drank two beers while on the toilet at home during lunch break. new high or new low, not sure
he texted me telling him i gave him the clap. but i think he gave it to me and i gave it back to him
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
His exact words were "Can I meet your vagina?" I kept wondering if he was going to try to shake hands with it...
I dont' remember leaving St. Cloud, getting home, or apparently directing traffic in the middle of the fucking street while black out drunk.
I hooked up with a guy dressed up as morning wood. Needless to say he lived up to his costume.
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
he said "GREAT SCOTT" as he was cumming.
I have beer and butt plugs...pretty sure I will find a way to entertain myself while I wait
Randomize
