The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
i wanted to sleep on a waterbed so i filled up my bathtub so i could fall asleep in it...
just threw the rents a curveball by making french toast and bacon when i came home sober. good luck tellin when im high/drunk now.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
Just to clear things up. I did not walk in on him jacking off to your facebook profile.
So somebody asked her is she's okay.She turned around,started running and screamed "Ballet is running through my veins" before doing a small pirouette.It's amazing how she managed not to fall.
What if our hands were octopus tentacles?
You're an idiot.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
Oh god I just realized bird face had che Guevara tattooed on her upper arm. Deals off, readivised opinion
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
not sure what the chiropractor did but my junk deserves a cape now.
Grrr. Fine. You get oral for being unwrong.
We are the rockettes of vaginal bleeding
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Randomize
