My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
He gave me a pearl necklace on top of my Karma necklace I was wearing. I guess I deserve whats coming to me.
apparently i told her i wouldn't press charges if she brought me food.
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
It seems like every guy I've hooked up with all end up hanging out together, its like a cult.
So drunk. Washed my hair un pancheros sink cus I was so hot.
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
Good afternoon everyone! Just texting to inform you that Andrew, your emotionally detached man-whore, will be back starting this weekend. Please RSVP.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
Hahaha I don't remember taking it away. But no one should have a sledgehammer at a party. NO ONE.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
Had a dream I cut my own dick off. That's it I gotta see a doctor...
Umm
Exactly.
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
I'm so stoned. We're making Josh's sister bake us brownies. She's so small and pixie like. Her brownies make me cry tears of happy.
Randomize
