i woke up convinced that my room was backwards i tried to go into the closet to get outta my room
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
Just got a lecture from Dad about how I need to be more responsible and start buying my weed in larger quantities so that i can save money. Like he was serious and kind of disappointed in me for not adapting to his method earlier.
My dora the explorer band aid does not cover up the shame i feel right now
I froze in his sixty one degree room but i came so hard. Like fucking the eskimo god.
Ive been using palmolive to shower with for he last week, dont tell me about not having money. Im heading to the bar r u going.
The fact that I pulled something plastic out of my mouth after taking that shot is starting to concern me.
Its 6am and I'm sitting on the couch watching Clifford. Crying into my risotto because emily elizabeth helped the girl in the wheelchair get over her stagefright so she can win a trophy. Never drinking alone again.
She was mid-sentence and then BOOM the hammock broke off the tree. I about pissed myself. Hot Sprite and Vodka make the world go round.
He said I went to go sit outside and is promised I wouldn't leave he brings me a chair and I'm gone. He found me stumbling a half mile away in my socks
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
Why is there multiple peanut butter and toasts stuck to the fridge door?
we were clicking our heels together saying theres no place like home, while the cops were tellin us to call our parents and tell them what happened.
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
