you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
you made me "pop lock and drop it" as a sobriety test last night..
I'm not sure what happened last night, but I have someone stored in my phone as 'Aftershock'
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
I knew it was time to stop when you guys were playing a drinking game called "every three steps take a drink"
We need a bunch of roses, some chocolate, 2 cops, a mariachi band, and a thermometer
We were licking ciroc off the poker table
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
we had a "who's sex playlist is better?" fight.....
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
Randomize
