i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
ugh, today is just one of those 'get high before your 8am class' days.
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
oh dont worry, my liver will give out way before i get skin cancer
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Rather than admit to myself I've spent $756 at the bar this month, I'm just going to pretend I gave it to a homeless person...kind of makes me feel better.
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
My breath smells like gin and sadness
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
I hate when I'm sexting and I make a typo.
You just killed the sext mood.
Randomize
