If I were trying to take advantage of you I would have maxed out all your credit cards by now.
I like that most of our conversations somehow end in us having sex for the good of our country
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
I'm gonna rob all up in that cradle
We play this game where we catch up on what we missed over five years of not talking to eachother, then we have sex like nothing ever happened.
Our music was glorious. Maidens were deflowered to the sound of my voice.
Gonna play a drinking game called drink til I feel my emotions. The things I do so I can be a therapist
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
We keep making plans but he keeps getting arrested. Such a tease
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
