I told him I'm not paying rent anymore because he's seen my boobs.
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
He told her Jesus wouldnt yell curse or degrade her. He'd just simply shake his head and slap the shit out of her
To the person who put the glitter on my ceiling fan...fuck you
That moment when you cant decide between eating spaghetti or a Popsicle for breakfast
I wish my bank account would intervene on my life choices.. $200+ in alcohol in 2 weeks and a $40 McDonald's bill is a cry for help.
I'm doing an Uber ride of shame in a red, white and blue bikini top and America shorts. Good for me.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
This is a test message to see whether or not the recipient is alive.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
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