So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
So I'm on the can right now reading a court transcript for an appeal. Some dude is paying $155 an hour for me to take a shit.
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
he's only going to be home for two days, his dick is going to be in me for the whole 48 hours, he doesnt have a choice.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
Am I the only one that feels like there are hundreds of tiny people having a rave and stomping and kicking around inside my head this morning?
this one kid was speed-mumbling about putting broccoli in the printer
Needs to be more caveman. "Me kill roommate. You watch. Then sex time with our genitals."
he pushed me in the lake knowing full well I had joints on me. that's drug-abuse!!
I just look at my butt and see so much potential.
just like fucking own it. stare that cop in the eye and just keep masturbating "yeah motherfucker Im high as shit and this feels great"
so in case you needed a ticket for the Hot Mess Express, I'm the conductor now.
If this gives you any indication of my current state, I stopped at Meijer after work and bought funyuns, pregnancy tests and chocolate.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
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