so i just googled the prescription for aldara i saw on your desk this morning...
Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
upper decked the toilet at the restaurant that wouldn't let me pee there yesterday
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Juss got out of jail; shes still in there tryin to sing her abc's backwards bc the cops neva asked her too... Whebever she gets to t she starts singin the tequilla song
How do I go about messaging a girl on a dating site whose little sister I've had a three some with...?
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Okay, this next statement may sound like a red flag but I'm tellin you, shotgunning those two beers really helped me love my child more effectively. Honest.
just got back. in my inebriated state i broke an ugly lamp and was sent to the store (still drunk) to get a new one. just spent last half hour in isle 3 of dollar general surounded by more ugly lamps and trying not to throw up on each and every single one.
Randomize
