I was giving him a blow job in the kitchen, but it was uncomfortable. so i took the oven mitts and used them as knee pads.
Don't tell me i'm not fucking resourceful.
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
He locked about 20 beers in a suitcase and put it in the fridge. For a complete idiot, he's a goddamn genius.
had to ask my 13 year old sister if she knew any dealers... she did. it's good to be home.
This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
Oh FYI, people asked how/why I met you and I didn't want to say "drunk at a party on an air mattress" so I made a story up. It was a very cute and charming story with no alcohol.
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I ended up at home with a random bird sculpture and flowers
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
Let's put it this way. Mom is bringing me a new shirt and I smell like lube.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
I've broken 3 vibrators in the past month because I apparently am "too rough" with them. Is that even possible?!
Randomize
