Are you dead
Yes
Oh man
Someone fed me too many chicken nuggets and sexed me too hard
did he really ask u insert a warm banna in ur anal?
No matter how fun it seemed the night before you will always regret taking those pictures, you will always regret eating as much as you did, but you will never regret the great lengths you had to got to get those bruises.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
I woke up at 2 in my clothes with a defrosted steak in my pocket, no drinky this week at all.
A relator touring our house this week saw the picture in our bathroom of steven passed out, yellow faced, with BALLS on his forehead, and had to ask "if that kid was alive or dead".
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
Did I happen to mention where i left my keys when I drunk dialed you last night
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
My usual answer of have sex with it doesn't work in this situation
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
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