I just ate 10 fun sized 3 musakteers.. I'm pretty sure I'm about to start my period.
Talk to you next week
God dammit. Now I'm pissed at Arizona, while feeling bad for my poor, poor penis.
i just lost my virginity over my 3 hour lunch break..
u hav a 3 hour lunch break?!
i like how the length of my lunch break is the thing that phases u
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
His "hunger Strike for change" lasted 4 days. Hi welcome to my coke binge last weekend....not impressed
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
You may genuinely find a use for the siphon. But the bag of human hair is less likely.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
It's been hot as balls outside. It's like getting tea bagged by the Sun.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
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