he was sending me dirty texts but i was watchin nickeloden and couldnt get into it
im ashamed your my cousin
so I woke up and found tortilla in my belly button
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I woke up locked in the bar...this has redefined partying.
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
Its okay, i dont mind you drinking, im just surrounded by it, there is some random dude laying on your couch with a bucket that ive never seen before
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
I told him we could fuck whenever was concurrent for both of us
He said he wanted to lick the breadcrumbs off my chest
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
I’d clean the kitchen before making food. Mark “rang in the New Year” with some rando in there last night
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