I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
the sex was "jacking off to playboy" bad.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
The sign in front of ihop says "designated drivers get half off their order"
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
had a guy just try to take his underwear off in the middle of the bar w o taking his pants off. That kind of Sunday afternoon
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
Randomize
