every time I hook up with him I think about the fact that penicillin was a mistake too... and look how well that turned out. It makes me feel just a little bit better.
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I would like to apologize for making you the target of my "I wish head hair grew as fast as Pubes speech" the other night
I'm going to die alone in a sea of empty vodka bottles and cats.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
Someone had written "Boxmonsterette" on the bathroom wall and I just knew you'd been here.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
Ok well i was gonna say you can only borrow my fog machine if you will use it to emerge from your room in a cloud of smoke after having sex with sarah, so yeah we're good
I'm sorry your Amazon says buttplugs now
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
tonight...tonight im having sex in honor of you
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
