I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Tickle wars 95% of the time end in sex.
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
That's the second time in a week someone has called me to talk drunk you into getting up off the floor. This needs to stop.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
I was telling my friend about your penis and the only word I could think of was voluptuous. You have a voluptuous dick.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Okay but look at his jawline. I NEED TO RIDE IT.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
Randomize