This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
I found out that all you need to write a 12 page paper is adderall and twizzlers
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
You ad-libbed two DETAILED rounds of price is right, 1 wheel of fortune, and 1 deal or no deal.... by yourself with sound effects and music included
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
She's drinking vodka out of a windex bottle. She is spraying it in her mouth and at strangers.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
If i still have my costume on when i get home from the bar i am gonna be pissed
Just wanted to let you know it's 3am and, at this point, I believe your sister has more of my semen in her than I do. So suck on that, fuckface.
Doing laundry. My jeans from last night smell like chicken wings and motor oil.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
So I just accidentally joined a bar crawl and got a free shotski of Jameson. I love life.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
