Dude. I haven't taken a shit in a week.
Try anal, it works wonders.
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
i wish i could post a picture of his odd shaped penis on facebook and label it "wtf???"
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
The extent of my physical activity is running from the cops.
I gave him head while he watched NASCAR. My future flashed before my eyes.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Babe, holding my hair while i blow you doesn't count as being romantic
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Uhm I have a bottle of tequila, a gallon of orange juice, and leggings. Now ask me again how hard im going? And that doesn't cover tomorrow.
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
The school better be open next year. I’ve been FB stalking Dads of my incoming students and there’s serious DILFage in this class! Maybe 2020 will turn around!
It’s 2020. You’ll probably get knocked up. If you’re really lucky you’ll just get the clap
Randomize
