Maybe if i eat something filling like whole wheat pasta it will make me less hungry for things like dick
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
This is amazing. I can pinpoint the window in time that you lost all sanity.
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I learned something last night. Strippers can be on house arrest?
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
I think the exact words were 'I'd lett him to the weirdest shit to me'
i sent my dealer a picture of the money i would pay him. i also told him i would pay him in cheez-its if he would prefer that.
I lost my vibrator temporarily and for some unknown reason my first thought was that you might have stolen it. But then I realized you would never do that because you know it keeps me from killing people. But I am overtired and lacking in faith.
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
Found my bra in the fridge. See you in 10 mins. It's gonna be a good fuckin day!
Let's make a rule now, to not smoke weed out of our trumpets. After tonight.
Randomize
