If I had a nickel for every time I've used a condom, I'd have... two nickels.
I have to tell you about my conversation with the cloud dragon!
You can only be slapped by Eastern European waitresses so many times. I guess they don't want my huge cock in their iron curtain
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
Please don't let me drink ever again. I apparently told him he could stay but as there was no room in the bed he'd have to lie on top of me and he'd need to anchor himself on with his penis so he didn't fall off.
No hurry on coming over. My body currently wants everything on the inside to be on the outside. But really. Don't hurry.
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Maybe it’s too soon to casually tell the boss that I went to Tulsa for some dick last night
i told them you weren't like that.. and they laughed at me?
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
So I realize somewhere between mildly irritated and outright belligerently pissed is where you are, but as to location, where are you?
Randomize
