She said she couldnt do it today but shed make it up to me next week
stick it in her butt and if she asks, say that thats what you thought she meant
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
I should just tell him this. He doesn't need to be all nice and ask me on dates and to do gay stuff like hangout during the day. I'll still sleep with him regardless.
two words...techno handjob
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
They thought we spoke German and French even though we just kept repeating "I give to you a cat" and "Are you drunk?"
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Overdraft my account again. Parents are starting to ask questions. What would go over better a gambling or drug addiction??
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize
