I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
It was the first time I had seen his penis when it wasnt hard. It just looked so vulnerable and a little bit depressed.
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
im trying to look as sober as possible but i just poured orange juice and mayo into my milkshake.
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Ok she stopped using her fork and knife and is legit eating that steak using her hands.
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
Most people would agree that it IS in fact slutty to give someone head for free ice cream.
Randomize
