He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
searching "dave" under the university of pittsburgh on facebook was not exactly how i hoped to find my baby daddy
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
Who knew drunk me could climb a 17 story building for apple juice and sex
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Do you remember trying to sleep under the pool table while wearing a reflective vest?
Nope.
You kept saying you had to be safe.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
What happened?
Vodka. Vodka happened.
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
Randomize
