I feel like i'm in the derek zoolander school for kids who can't read good.
At first I was confused when I woke up with shards of glass and pickle brine in my pants. But then I remembered I hung out with you last night.
We're too lazy to do dishes, so we're making sangria in a flower vase.
I feel like I'm a marionette being lifted around. Four Loko.
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
Hey, don't think you remember me but we met last night. I'm conducting a survey this morning its only one question: Have you seen Rob since 1am?
if this uncomfortable exchange we're having is you trying to flirt with me i suggest you stop it before someone gets hurt
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
You've lost booty call privileges between the hours of 10pm and 8am.
I only know one person in my class and that's my dealer.
Well I'm back. Could you fill me in on what I missed?
You don't want to know. Trust me.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I just had a man tell me he was going to think about me when he was fucking his wife tonight. This is my proudest moment as a gay.
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