so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
I woke up this morning with a bag of pepperonis in my bed.... and my facebook status was "pepperonis"
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I don't know. I guess at the end of the day I wanted taco bell more than a boyfriend.
Totally get that.
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
There is a full size piano in the middle of our road. Please tell me you had nothing to do with this.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I stole a fireplace last night.
Fuck you come back. The old guy next to me is complementing me on my great choice of ring fingers,
i dont remember how or why, but i now have 3 coupons for a free BJ from Anise stapled to my right arm.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
I'm a teacher who's always telling kids about the importance of due diligence, yet I'm eating an avocado out of a coffee filter because I'm too lazy to wash dishes
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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