i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
you came out with your cock in between the legs of a balloon animal. Maybe she'll think you have a sense of humor.
What kind of balloon animal was it?
The problem with Wednesday evening drinking is that no gets to my level. It's like like a one man party. But it's a goood party.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
I just licked wine off my own thigh. I've hit a new low.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
He told me to keep watching the Grammys and then went down on me.. I think I'm in love.
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
Can’t. Tonight’s a netflix and dick night
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