I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
She's singing So Happy Together to her burrito, I want to be on her level.
There are a bunch of guys at the door looking for the guy you brought back to the condo...pretended not to speak English. You're welcome.
Its not monday til someone throws up in the hallway
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
FUCK... Pulled a chick from the bar went to her house passed out on the shitter. She lives in a house full of girls. They were making poop jokes as i left
IM SO HIGH RIGHT NOW, IM WHAT ROCKET MAN WANTED TO BE WHEN HE GREW UP. ELTON JOHN CAN BLOW ME.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
So I'm buying milk, bread, yogurt & lube. Not awkward at all
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