Writing a love song to planned parenthood. what rhymes with "don't have AIDS"
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Didn't get the job. Searched for my references on FB and saw the pic of me weighing my head passed out.
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
scratch that I can tell you where she is shes drunk on a beach somewhere being a penis slayer
Hello, the Less Drunk that has my sister's phone. I am the Moderately Drunk. I am questioning your Friday activities. Why are you not the More Drunk?
If I do nothing else today, the fact that I talked you into this is achievement in itself.
It's Breast Cancer Awareness Month!!!! What random hook up should check my tata's this year?!?!
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just want to meet a nice normal guy that doesn't want me to taze him while we have sex. . . . .is that too much to ask for?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
And with the bitter taste of failure in my mouth, i am off to pub to drown it in tequila and 19 year olds, so in the morning i can add pregnancy and stds to my list of problems.
Randomize
