someone get that fucking seahorse.
Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
So i learned you can't hair-of-a-dog jaeger hangovers.
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
He barely got in the door before she began to shriek like a banshee and punch him. His rainbow wig is still hanging from the front porch as a "warning to all other clowns".
I gave up. I'm crying over my notes. Oh, ya know, just another drunk finals week
I really just want to stuff him in my purse, take him home, feed him pudding or applesauce and brush his hair. That's not creepy, right?
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
Going to jail was so much more fun than I thought it would be. I feel like I walked away with more than just a bomb-ass mugshot, I feel like I made some life long friends.
Celebratory bar crawl?
Jelly. This is your "are you still alive" text. Any response will do.
Hey I found a cat!
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
QUICK FAX ME THE BALL
Not how faxing works at all btw
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