I'm half single.
Please tell me it's the bottom half.
when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
What can I say? When alcohol is my motivation, I can move mountains.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Casually blacked out last night and apparently told him he couldn't come back to bed until he got me Taco Bell.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
just realized I'll be in a check out line with just Hershey syrup and condoms. I don't know if I am setting a good image for our generation
Randomize
