I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
just made one giant jello shot... if i have to study on a saturday night, i'm gonna do it as drunk as possible
Bon Iver should never be played when you just ate shrooms.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
I own a halfway home for drunk girls, this is my life
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
My ass is underappreciated
I just need some breakup sex yanno like filthy wish fulfilling breakup sex to make me forget what I never had
If you fuck up my birthday by dying I will kick your fucking corpse.
slept with a 6'5 mountain man from Montana and then he played 'Girls Just Wanna Have Fun' on repeat..
Why did I wake up naked with a leg cramp and and extra $550 in my wallet?
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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