I swear to god Optimus Prime and Megatron are fighting in my head right now.
Canada just beat USA, the sad part they still need us to make money so who really won
All you kept saying was "my dick ALWAYS causes problems".
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
its amazing there are so many photos of me and him separately, since most of that party time was spent sneaking away to fuck upstairs...
You know I found it really difficult to find a full lenght picture for the egg donor site where I wasn't holding any alcohol...
You tried to steal my pants at 3am saying they were yours and somebody was gonna die, not cool dude
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I JUST WOKE UP WITH MY UBER DRIVER
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
she said. She was going to, and I quote, "put her vagina inside my dick".
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