Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
FB needs to have a relationship status called...screwing my roommates bf..linking their names would be an easier to tell her!
My doc was like ur only supposed to have 6 sexual partners..thats just one semester at college
No need to clean the puke on the driveway. The squirrel is eating it up.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Happy meals everywhere. I think Ronald McDonald Claus visited.
I may or have may not just taken a swig out of a jar of alfedo sauce in my fridge. Dont judge me
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
