maybe we dont have boyfriends because we dont have tans
Why I am the classiest girl you know: just mixed drinks for everyone on the baby changing station at the movie theater.
whatever, you made your decision to be a responsible student and where did it get you? a pushed back exam and no blowjob.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
this is the first time i'm angry at someone with so much boobs. she like managed to break my glass and my phone with one glorious swing
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
There's a burrito next to my bed. Did you buy it for me or is the Chipotle fairy real? And why am I naked?
He couldn't give me an orgasm, but he did give me a UTI.
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
What is the best medium with which to say, "Happy Birthday, I'm having your abortion"... Cake? Card?
Randomize
