It saddens me that girls will never know the wonder feeling of pulling your sweaty nutsack off of your leg.
I'll probably hate you when I'm sober
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I'm such a fucking super-fan. I was worried his cum would wash away his autograph.
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Just got home. Taking a quick shower. I smell like sex and chorizo. Dont ask.
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
He was like 120 lbs and 20 of that was penis
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
Randomize
