Like if Robert Downey Jr. and Kiefer Sutherland got together for a bender, that's how drunk I want us to be.
I'm doing shots of crown out of a baby bottle. My friends are sensational parents.
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Did you really just text me at 6:35 in the morning asking where the condoms were? I moved out a year ago.
There are flashing lights and a man dressed as Santa with a bullhorn in my cul de sac.
I'm not sure if this is awesome or scary.
You want anything?
Gatorade and you naked.
Yesterdays boozy weather forecast has been extended to today
You were outside cuddling a rock singing Bohemian Rhapsody.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
Move ovrr Titanoc and all you others. Heres the real tale of woe. This ladys failed search for boozdy goodnezs.
So we are in the middle of sex and his brother knocks on the door and says "dude I just wanted to know if you want to see the fish I got tonight"
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
She told me to take deeps breaths and I said I said YOU FUCKING TAKE A BREATH CAROL IM SURE IF YOU WERE IN MY POSITION YOU WOULD HAVE OFFED YOURSELF ALREADY and she said my name is Becky 😂
It's not just going to appear. A lot of blood, sweat, tears, and leg work went into finding a cock that amazing!
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