Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
Theres this fat girl in desperate need of the proactive factory in my class and as i watch her shovel food in her face I am struggling to not only keep down my meager lunch but also to stay straight. Eliza Dushku couldnt even get my flacid dick to move
Every morning i wake up and check his twitter like a horoscope
nah, shes just mad because we went through all her fb pics and tagged her crotch as all the guys shes fucked
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
Hurry up and get here. I already announced to the bar that you were on a mission to get laid tonight. I have 3 takers.
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
There's a whistle here and I just want to play my whistle song on it.
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Current status: so high that I'm unable to have coherent conversation with my mom, but still knew that when my dad said "shpritzy white stuff" I understood that he was trying to think of "whipped cream."
That text took me 10 minutes.
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