Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
Check that he is NOT ok. He just heated up SoCo and used it as syrup on his pancakes.
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
He was the one that got away. From my vagina.
We got banned from that Whataburger for life. WHATABURGER. Which is saying something. They deal with drunk dumbasses every night.
Tequila happens.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
Of all the kinds of relationships I've had in my life, I'd have to say, lab-partner-with-benefits takes the fuckin cake
Last night was a whirlwind of vodka - induced emotion
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
I woke up in a warehouse with the words “Property of Adam” written on my chest in frosting.
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