WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
I was drunk at peters. now im drunk at my apartment. and hungry. but mcdonalds is broken. wtf
Do you think i can prewrite an apology on friday and leave it vague enough to just finish on sunday?
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Looks like I've become the Walter White of my PhD cohort.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Over 14,000 people at my school and the kid I went home with last night is IN MY FUCKING LECTURE
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize