i just puked in front of my entire floor a girl on crutches asked iof i needed help hahaaa fuck ima damn fool
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Dude. The walls are totally staring at me right now. I told you this was a bad idea.
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
We can't tell anyone we fucked because I'm still trying to get with your friend. Is she coming next weekend?
It felt like a sumo wrestler slapped me. With a wet hand. 8 times in a row.
I think I just wanna go buy some jack at the liquor store, come home, take my pants off, and not give a shit about stuff
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
I had to rename my dildo. I met a little kid who named his teddy bear the same name. It just felt wrong.
did you just correct my grammar and then send me a photo of your dick?
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
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