Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
i said i was sorry for his girlfriend's cancer diagnosis and he said "easy come, easy go" and tried to fuck me
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
You know what my problem is? I'm like a machine designed for the sole intention of removing the pants from damaged girls.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
Bro if you don't text me back I'm gonna send you a picture of my nut sack every ten seconds for the rest of the night. I'm home alone with nothing to do. Don't push me.
If his smile makes you freak out and drop things imagine what his penis could do
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
I woke up in a toga after going to a Hawaiian party. I don't even know.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
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