@ a funeral. fucking miss uuuu
So we fuck and I say, "I'm about to go." He tells me, "No, leave at ten.. just lay here for a little while." When I ask, "Why?!" He gets his feelings hurt and says, "ugh. or don't." Since when did guys start acting like girls?
gail simmons from food & wine magazine just heard me order my plan b pill
did you ask her what wine to pair it with?
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
Woke up next to a half eaten California burrito. It was tucked in.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
With the amount of g's you put on going I'm gonna guess you're drinking alone again
you took the tequila shot and then procceded to eat the lime..we told you to spit it out but you just straight face kept chomping
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
In related news, I couldn't want to blow you more if your dick made harmonica noises.
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I just had to explain to a 5 year old why I had fuzzy handcuffs hidden in a macaroni box under my bed.
I witness him finger a girl behind the dj decks yet I'm still going to meet up with him. Wtf is my life
There's always a silver lining when massive voluptuous tits are involved
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