Potential corruption. He's 19.
Get them while they're young!
the coke olympics were a bad idea. there's a tree uprooted in the front of my building.
just a question.. totally understand if you dont know what im talking about.. but.. do you have my funnel? i think i tucked it in to your bed last night.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Tomorrow, if I don't look at least 5% better than I do on a regular day to day basis, I want you to hit me and tell me that no one will ever love me if I continue to look like I just rolled out of a cocaine induced hibernation. I'm asking you for tough love.
I didn't just randomly come up with it. But if you want to give me extra credit for creativity I have a bare chest and chocolate sauce left
I actually took a sword out of your hands. You were samurai slashing lemons to make chasers.
Duuuuuuuude, I need you to sleep with my girlfriend so I can tell you both to move out
The Uber driver took us to a Waffle House. We didn't even say anything when we got in. MAGIC.
Dollars spent: $83, Girls kissed: 4, Girls slept with:2, Girls currently making me breakfast: 1, Fucks given: 0
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
The last I heard from her she said she was going to plant sunflowers, get drunk on white wine and listen to Everybody Wants to Rule the World on repeat.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
