it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
So many bounce houses so little time
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
I'm not judging you... I'm judging our friendship
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
I hate vagina strikes, but I must not stray from my path. My boyfriend will know the true meaning of blue balls.
We did Irish Car Bombs out of butter trays, the influence of the retired community is astounding- I didn't know people even owned more than one butter tray.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
Also I literally googled "how to fold socks" so that's how my day is going. How's yours?
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Randomize
