She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
The stripper told me she had been working there for eight years, then got mad when I asked if she was trying to make it into mangment. Awkwardest lap dance
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
It's not even 6 am and I've already told my mom to fuck herself in the face
the reputation of my dick game is on the line. You're killing the team, here, G
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
as much as I don't like snorting drugs, I would totally be fine with someone doing a line off my ass. that's just a whole new up
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You kept licking my face. You said you were making sure I was real.
i need to get crying drunk at the bar more often. i end up going home with guys who have big penises. its like God is saying "there, there, this will cheer you up".
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
