maybe you should take the dick out of your mouth before you start talking.
i did. i'm using it as a microphone.
I thought you said his peep was too small
it is but i have no money and nothing is on tv until 7 when americas next top model comes on.
i just caught my roommate coming out of the bathroom half naked with a surge protector. he told me he didn't wanna talk about it.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
I somehow ended up with a bottle of red wine in one hand and white in the other and would drink them at the same time. Ruined
I'm high and reading a Wikipedia article on circumcision procedure. Help.
She loves introducing her friends to my foreskin.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
You know Sunday Funday was a success when 'puke and rally' came at lunchtime on Monday.
Shriek
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Randomize
