I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
just saw someone puke all over a michigan fan. he didn't even flinch.
No. one of us needs a degree and I am already the alcoholic friend. I can't do everything
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Wednesdays are like the thursdays of tuesdays... Drink time
She counted 5,6,7,8 then intentionally kneed herself in the eye numerous times.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
Wasn't a date. In exchange for artichoke dip I received a bj. And sex. It was a transaction.
Dont act like I'm the only one that gets on a plane and picks out the one im gonna have fuck if we have time before the crash
I plan on being naked for at least 2/3 of the wedding.
Bro. Some kids just drive-by judged the shit outta me.
NoShamevember. You game?
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
He also reminds me slightly of a pirate which i find strangely attractive
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
