I never want to see another naked old woman again.
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
The size of her hoop earrings are directly related to how much of a slut she is.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
I woke up naked, with 10 visible bite marks and a black eye. I'm just going to assume that it was a good night.
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
Sorry if I'm being weird. I'm dipping doritos in cabernet.
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
He ate me out. IN THE MORNING. I love less attractive men.
The only thing he had going for him was mad fingering skills. the ONLY thing. crayons have a wider circumference.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Randomize
