He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
I guess you don't remember pouring tequila in the dog bowl and slurping it.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Are you having sex right now? Or is the apt just swaying rhythmically on its own? Either way, awesome.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
also I have no idea whose underpants I'm wearing right now but they're super comfy and I'm not giving them back ever
I passed out while searching "symptoms of narcolepsy"...
After we finish having sex, he smokes an honest to God pipe. It's like fucking a big, sexy Sherlock Holmes...
i am risking my non lesbian vagina for your needs. i better be the best friend you ever had
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