Dan just whipped out his wang to piss in a milk jug! Hello weekend.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
If you stick your dick in my spaghetti, we're fighting.
She said she was an education major and you replied with "oh I'm taking a semester off too". And we never saw her again...
It's a long way off yet but I've started planning my eviction party. Be prepared, it includes jungle juice.
Found your dick twin last night
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
There has to be a way to make college graduation in Las Vegas different than any other Tuesday in Las Vegas. Strippers? Been there. Getting arrested for public indecency on the strip? Done that.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
I just got a nosebleed on a date at the cheesecake factory...
just run out of the bathroom with blood gushing down your face and scream "ITS IN THE CHEESECAKE!!!!!"
Oh my god. I just RAN OVER a child. Oh my god this isnt my day. That kid was cool as fuck though
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
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