Dibs on passing out in front of the toilet.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
She can't meet us until 830...there's no hope for our sobriety at that hour
I don't know how or when he is sober long enough to donate plasma
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
She had never heard the term "grundle" before. Classiest girl I've met in months
I am drunk at 8am listening to Cyndi Lauper and dressed up in a penguin suit
I have tasted many bathrooms
I'm doing my accounting homework with my vibrator. Guess whose numbers are balanced on the financial statement? This ladys!
I wore my old cheerleading uniform.. He came before I even touched his dick. Should I be irritated, or flattered?
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
Randomize
