hey, what are you doing tonight?
sleeping, g'night!
but i wanted to see you :(
sleeping! g'night!(801): i miss you!
stop - you have a right hand - use it!
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
21st Birthday Idea: liquor store gift registry. Give me a promotion.
you're like that jamaican tarat card reading chick... only with herpes
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
I just want somewhere where I can sit down, without changing my clothes, that will serve me breakfast food and booze. Is that too much to ask?
How does a face ride mean we're back together?
You got this. You survived the RA last semester (granted you almost got arrested but still.)
Randomize
