i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
I'm not going to need your "it doesn't mean you're a slut" pep talk after all.
Dude. The girls called me over to see what they had in their dorm. They snuck in a pigeon in a cardboard box. They named it Quincey. They swear they're sober.
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
He tried to reenact Braveheart's freedom scream but got tackled by his drunk roommate who thought he was yelling that the handle he was holding up was free.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
Nautical themed porn is also great bc someone usually wears a captains hat
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
It's 7am. I'm making pizza & watching the Matrix. I will not be bothered.
To answer your next question, yes, I'm drunk.
You would be successful and sober without me. you can't turn your bakon me now
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
