True but thats because hes a fetus.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
We decided to go to McDs, but we only had a few minutes to make it to breakfast. We were sprinting full speed ahead when she tripped and you just yelled 'LEAVE HER' and kept your course.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
No, you always delete them without reading. Enjoy the virtue of morning innocence. What are you doing today.
Good for him. He wanted to accomplish walking across niagara, I'm hoping to accomplish not throwing up tomoro nite, we all have our own priorities in life.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
You get home okay?
I'm pantless and in bed
That doesn't mean you're at home.
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
I told you for Halloween we just need to let the loins free! Let the girth come to us in a flock, drenched with passion!
it was weird going down on him. His picture of Jesus was staring at me the entire time...
Randomize
