i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
Between the plague n the counterfeit drugs we brought back from mexico I'm not thinking too highly of their country right now. Screw mexican homeless men.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
Streaking across a girls college rugby game is probably the best, and most painful, decision I've ever made
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
I took so my adderall all I can do is lie on my floor and stare too hard at my hedgehog. He has 42 spines in the dark spot on his shoulder btw.
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
My orgasm happened in two different decades
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