She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
You seriously don't know?He was trying to arrest you and you were shouting that you were being punk'd. Punk'd? that show got cancelled like 5 years ago.
there was so much ham clogging the tub drain.. he said it was ok he has a cleaning lady
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
4pm on a Sunday....roomate fucking like a wildabeast while I have a organic chemistry study group in my kitchen.
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
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