I just woke up in the 4th floor lounge at 5:30AM with my ipod on to springsteen and a condom on
he showed me his boner with his cell phone light during the movie.
What did you want me to do? You know I don't like fat people. I'm an asshole to them sober it only gets worse when I'm drunk
That doesn't make it okay! You tried kicking the girl's mom out where we were having the party at!
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
Me, him and the recently stolen carpet walked down the road and into the strip club. We had to check the carpet with our coats, it didn't mind missing out too much, later the door guy at Subway held carpet during late night sandwich selection.
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Dude your life.. At your sugar daddies house sending nudes to your fwb
yeah I had to wear a fucking diaper from work home so I didn't get the shitty squirts all over my cars seats it was fucked
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You had sex with a kid to spare him the shame of being a virgin. Evidence is on my side.
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