I'll be waiting for you under the stairs with peanut butter and tequila ... Don't tell the neighbors
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
She looks like a beluga.
I want to splash her with water and when she screams say "I didn't want you to die. You looked parched"
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
You have the most beautiful penis I've ever seen. I never thought penises were meant to be beautiful, but you proved me wrong
I love him about as much as I'd love fucking myself with a cactus.
they told me that it was glow in the dark and would make me magical. I was too drunk to say no. I woke up to a purple vagina.
its like a neon Im stupid as fuck sign
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