Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
100% of annual heatstroke fatalities are preventable deaths! Don't let it happen to you! Also, you can catch crabs from almost anything! Be safe and have fun.
This is your liver's 7:15 wake up call. Mandatory margarita popsicles after work today. Rule #71: no excuses, play like a champ!
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
I woke up on the floor with 2 cartons of cigarettes, a box of chocolate bars, and a business card for a man named Larry. Don't remember him, but if the Rols on his card is his, I might throw him a mouth party...
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
On this version of “Dean Can’t Be a Normal Fucking Human,” I told a guy I’d shove a tv up his ass. Recreationally.
Plasma, LED or OLED?
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
They should invent shampoo and conditioner for sex hair. I would buy all the travel size ones.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
Randomize
